I Feel scumlike. Binging and binging today, a urge to jam my finger down my throat is sounding more and more soothing each second, its almost four am. i need a cigarette it seems just to get through the god damn day. I Wonder how my brother is, he went out last night, i wonder how much weed he smoke and how much alcohol he drank, and how he'll be when he comes home. Kinda shaking at the thought of it, his abuse does that, after two weeks ago incident of him screaming he was going to kill me and pushing me hard against the oven, me crying as he screamed about beating the shit out of me, hes in jujitsu..i secretly wait till the day he beats the living shit out of me and there are noticeable bruises what will my mother thing, will she finally snap out of her fucking denial of everything being fine? will she finally put him in anger management? Probably not, as usual iam left with unanswered questions in my head. always
Iam ripping my body apart allowing you to see whats underneath.
